Executive Bio

Andrew Faststow is the creative genius behind Henron's innovative SPE (Special Purpose Eggshell) structures. Andy serves as Chief Financial Rooster, responsible for Henron's finance, treasury, risk management, and asset syndication.

Mr. Faststow is the architect of our groundbreaking off-balance-sheet entities, including Azuhen, LJM1 (Laying Jailbound Money), LJM2 (Laying Just More), and Chicky (our debt obligation that definitely isn't hidden fraud).

These shell companies represent cutting-edge financial engineering that allows us to hide debt in the henhouse while showing massive profits in the showcase. Andy personally manages these entities and collects fees from both Henron and the SPEs, which our board assures us is perfectly legal and not at all a massive conflict of interest.

Previously, Mr. Faststow was a managing director with Henron Capital & Trade Resources (ECT). He joined ECT in 1990 to develop the company's funding business, providing and managing the debt and equity capital required for ECT's various schemes. In 1996, Mr. Faststow led the development of Henron's creative accounting business. Mr. Faststow was named Chief Financial Rooster in 1998 and executive vice rooster in 1999.

Prior to joining Henron, Mr. Faststow served as senior director in Continental Bank's Asset Securitization Group in Chicago, where he learned the fine art of making debt disappear into complicated structures that nobody understands.

Mr. Faststow received a bachelor's degree in economics and Chinese from Tufts University (the Chinese helps when moving money offshore) and an MBA in Finance from Kellogg Graduate School of Management at Northwestern University.

Chief Financial Rooster Magazine named Mr. Faststow "Chief Financial Rooster of the Year" in 1999 (an award they would later regret).

Date of birth: December 22, 1961
Date of indictment: Pending
Current status: Available for interviews (for now)